At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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