You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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