i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
