I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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