New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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