For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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