I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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