Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
