No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
