the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
