no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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