dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
