You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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