There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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