Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
