i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
