im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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