I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize