i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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