i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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