look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize