She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The air was thick with penises
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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