ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
