Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
