I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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