Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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