I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
