I'd wear matching sweaters with you
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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