you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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