i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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