how can u be prego again
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
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It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
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Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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