I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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