he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
