Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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