Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
how does that bad decision feel?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
