Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
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i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
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once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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