she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
