My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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