i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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