Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
