I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
