My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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