Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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