Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
