I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
