We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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