There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He? As in you personified your dick?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
