Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
