dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
