if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
