Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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