I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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