I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dicks are not precious.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
