high people should be assigned attendants
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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