Im at strip club and am horny
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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