i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I deserve this hangover.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
