Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
