She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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