I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
