I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
