She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Let's paint friendship bongs
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
