oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
