i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
