her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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