I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
