Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
