there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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